Next steps

The beta was negative again. We were a little more prepared since I tested the previous morning, but it doesn't make it any easier. It was the last embryo, the last little boy, the last chance before more a lot more time/money/emotions/etc. will have to be exhausted.
A plan was discussed with the doctor and it looks like our next steps are to collect eggs to make more embryos. There is so much waiting involved in surrogacy, waiting for matches, contracts, cycles, ultrasounds, transfers, blood work, blood work, and more blood work! And now we move on to the next stage together where we will sit on the edge of seats waiting to see how many follicles, eggs, embryos and viable embryos will come to us to continue our journey.
It sounds like we may be looking at a potential late January-February transfer which would put a due date into late next year. My only concern through this was delivering in the winter in case we could not make it to the hospital. But at this point we are so determined to get through this with a baby or two on the other end, I am already prepping in my mind on weather tracking and staying at a friends house near the hospital if there is even the slightest hint of snow near delivery time!

I know we need to take this one step at a time, day by day, but we are all ready for a miracle so if this next year could bring us some miraculous days, that would be much appreciated.

8dpt - one line

As of this morning, the home pregnancy tests have been negative. It has been just as hard this time knowing this transferred may have failed. We have done everything we could have done to give us the best result... a baby. But for some reason, the odds were against us. I guess in IVF, the odds can easily be against you.
This time, Patty and Shawn know about the test before going into the beta tomorrow. I hope that it makes it a little less stressful, nothing will make it easier, but at least a little less stressful.
We are already talking about a plan to get more eggs/embryos and go at this again. This will give them back a chance at a girl, and also twins. At this point I would gladly transfer three embryos to up our chances. We are going to make a baby, I am confident in that. And this time we should also have the option of a fresh transfer.

7dpt

One week since transfer, two days until blood work. Every time I feel even the slightest symptom, I lean into it praying I will get nauseas or my breasts will get sore (my tell). And each day that passes makes this transfer feel similar to the first. I feel more prepared this time, regardless of the outcome, knowing we will get through this together and keep going. When I mention in the surrogacy groups that I have not yet seen a second line on any pregnancy tests, women respond with hopeful stories of not seeing a line until six or seven days after transfer, one woman had negative tests up until her beta and was very surprised she was pregnant after assuming the transfer had failed.
I bought the cheapie tests, so if it was negative, I could say maybe they are wrong. I took a test just shy of 5 and 6 days post transfer, so if it was negative, I could say maybe it was too soon. But it is quite deflating to not see that second line by 6 days post transfer. Yes, I know that some people get a positive test after 6 days but from what I have seen if you don't see a line by 6 days, it can be telling about what the beta will reveal. I am preparing for this one to possibly be the same outcome as our first transfer and will be over the moon if little Eddie was just a slow grower and is in there multiplying cells as I type.
I believe Patty and Shawn want to create more embyros, which could give them back the possibility a girl or even twins. This thought also warms my heart. I can picture it in my head, nine months pregnant, lying in a hospital bed with Patty by my side, hand on the bump, talking to her little one(s) waiting for them to come out, smiling up at Shawn. I can see it, clearly. We just need to figure out a way to get there.

3dpt - Dear Santa

The last three nights I have woken up out of a dead sleep to being wide awake. Two of the nights the pavlovian response to waking at 3am was yell "are you ok?" since the reason I am usually up around that time is when one of the kids has a bad dream and comes barreling into our room. But this morning the second my eyes opened I felt ready to run a marathon.

I don't think I feel the little cramps like I did yesterday but I swear if I try to focus on a symptom, like nausea, it gets worse (insert eye roll). So I am going to try to distract myself from trying to focus on any symptoms, since there is no way to know if the meds are causing any symptoms or not.

Dear Santa, can you please add a crystal ball to my wish list... along this a positive pregnancy test...

I am not sure if my nightly awakenings have anything to do with fatigue, but I have had a hard time staying awake on the bus home from the hospital after work. One night this week I think I may have actually fallen asleep for a moment, and had to question if I missed my stop when I woke up (I didn't). But I do remember feeling exhausted in the first trimester with the twins so hopefully this is a sign my energy is being pulled to other parts of my body for a good cause.

2dpt - Please be a zebra

“When you hear hoof beats in the hallway, think horses, not zebras.”
...unless your are 2 days post transfer and have your ear to the ground praying those hoof beats are zebras. Every cramp or twinge in my lower abdomen has me stopping to wonder, could this be implantation??? Did my temperature just rise a little? Am I nauseas or car sick? Is it the meds causing symptoms or something else?

After our last transfer I didn't feel much different, until about a week after when I felt dull cramps that were very similar to those you feel before a period starts. I am trying to stay off Google, away from percentages and success rates depending on variables of transfer, and stick with the thought that we have done everything we could to make sure the embryo had the perfect environment to thrive given the chance and keeping my eye on the prize of handing him back to Patty and Shawn come August.

Throughout the day I have felt some mild cramps off and on, some a quick and sharp, others longer and dull.

1dpt - It's getting hot in here

1 day post transfer...

Last night when I was sitting on the couch after the kids went to bed, I noticed I felt warmer than usual, a very rare thing in our house. Usually my husband is begging to turn down the heat while I threaten to put my cold hands and (colder) feet on him if he goes near the thermostat. But last night when I mentioned I was feeling a little warm (not feverish!), we both looked at each other and said "maybe that means something!", since I always felt like I ran hot during pregnancy even though I didn't have a higher temperature.
After our last transfer I had some mild cramps 5-7 days after the transfer and headaches and nausea most days, but the medications also have those side effects so I felt like I was trying to look for any signs/symptoms that would prove to us I was pregnant.
It is too soon to over analyze any symptoms, we will save that for tomorrow, but I felt a little mild cramping today which will continue my hope that this little guy is implanting and will be sticking around!

So for now I am saying Bye Bye to coffee, at least until we get to beta, (insert ugly cry) to make a nice calm environment to incentivize Eddie to hang around.

Knock me up doc!

TRANSFER DAY!
Today could not have gone better! We definably missed Patty and Shawn being there in person, and then our video chat would not work (ahhhh!) but they were able to stay on the phone with us during the transfer which seemed quick and easy! Their puppies needed them this week, and while it would have been great to have them there, especially since things went so well today, I am happy they were both home together to celebrate how well everything went today and didn't have to travel so far for such a quick appointment.
During our first transfer the male doctor seemed to have a hard time getting the catheter in the right place and kept asking if he was in the right spot which I think put us on a little on edge. This time, with my bladder a little less full and way more comfortable, the nurse (who I love) was able to see my uterus and fundus right away and apparently had a great view. The catheter went directly into place where it needed to be and BAM, the little embryo was in there! There was such a good positive vibe in the room, and I felt a little more at ease with the female doctor who I have enjoyed working with there (the same doc who transferred the twins during my first surrogacy).

Let it go! Let it go! Into my uterus let the embryo flow!

Next Appointment: Blood work on 12/19/19 (9dpt)

ERA Results and Ultrasound

We got the ERA results which showed I would be more receptive with an additional day of progesterone, so 6 days instead of 5 days of shots pre transfer. I had an ultrasound yesterday morning which showed the lining was great, they wanted at least 8mm and I was at 12mm. Yay! Then I saw the ultrasound tech measuring something after looking at the uterus and ovaries and after enough of there I knew that the screen looked a little different. Of course I had to ask, and she said there was one small follicle, which the estrace should be suppressing follicles from growing and me from ovulating. She did not seem the least bit concerned since the progesterone shots that I start today should keep my ovaries quiet, as well as get rid of the tiny bit of fluid that was in there. The last two cycles they saw a little bit of fluid which went away quickly with the PIO shots.
This time the clinic did not even request another ultrasound before transfer to confirm the fluid has gone away, which makes me think they are confident enough it will which means that the next time I see them will be on Transfer Day!
My mother told me her father's birthday is December 10th, his name was Edward so I have been lovingly referring to the little blastocyte as Eddie the Embyro, or the little embryo who could (hopefully!). I called my grandfather Nono and always thought it was so cool he met and married my grandmother who I called Nona, thinking how perfect it was that people with such similar names fell in love. As I grew up I realized their names were actually Edward and Marie and we only referred to them as Nono and Nona, which still makes me smile.
My grandfather passed away when my mom was pregnant with me, and she has told me numerous times over the years about the day they held his service at their home in San Francisco. She went upstairs into her parent's bedroom to lie on the bed and have some quiet from the friends and family gathered downstairs. She said she suddenly felt his presence so strongly that she thought she would see him sitting on the end of his bed next to her. He was a very loving and loyal man to his family and apparently has been with me in spirit since I was in utero so I am sending up a prayer for him to be with us throughout this journey and help little Eddie implant and grow!

Shots start again tonight and we have...

ONE WEEK TO GO!!

 

 

Third cycle's a charm?

My period started last Sunday, I had the baseline ultrasound the next day, and started Estrace pills last Tuesday. I have not missed those pills as I seem to have headaches throughout the day when taking them but it is exciting to get right back into this cycle.

We have a tentative transfer date of December 10th, which would put the due date in late August. The failed transfer was a hard hit, but there is something about this cycle that feels different. I am hoping we get helpful results from the ERA, while trying not to let the failed transfer put any doubts in my mind. I almost feel naïve that I went into the first transfer with such confidence. But we have taken all the steps to make it successful and  there is a little boy waiting to meet his parents so I choose to believe that this time next month I will be looking at a positive pregnancy test.

Two weeks until transfer. Let the journey continue!

Hopefully third cycle's a charm!

CYCLE 2 - ERA

During our first transfer, my lining and labs looked great and the embryos were a good quality so there was no real reason for the transfer to fail other than the odds of IFV never really being in your favor. So we decided to ask for a way to increase our success with the next transfer, especially since it is the last embryo.

During our 2nd cycle, instead of doing the transfer on November 14th, we did an endometrial receptivity array (ERA), a this test was developed to evaluate issues with the receptivity of the uterus that may lead to failed implantation.

To achieve successful implantation, an embryo must be at the correct developmental stage when the uterus is prepared to accept it. This precise timing is known as the “window of implantation.”
Traditionally it has been assumed that each woman has the same window, with implantation occurring 8 - 10 days after ovulation in most women. Consequently, embryo transfers have historically been performed on a specified day in all individuals to mimic what occurs in natural cycles. However, more recent evidence suggests that each woman may have a personal window of implantation due to alterations in the receptivity of the uterus. If a woman has a window that is displaced, the embryo and uterus may not be in synchrony and this may prevent implantation from occurring.
The goal with the ERA is to determine the ideal day for embryo transfer thereby decreasing the likelihood of implantation failure. The ERA is performed using a biopsy of the uterine lining and is done in the office without anesthesia. Progesterone is a hormone that helps the endometrium become receptive and during an IVF cycle an embryo transfer is normally performed after progesterone has been administered for five days. The ERA is done during a “mock cycle” on the same day that an embryo transfer would normally occur. Once the biopsy has been obtained, the genes involved in receptivity are analyzed and the ERA predicts the endometrium to be “receptive” or “non-receptive” on the day the transfer would have occurred.

We are waiting on the results from the ERA to determine if we will change when I start the progesterone. At the appointment, I asked the doctor what she has seen with the results of this test in their office, and she said there have been quite a few of her patients who results have shown a different receptive "window".

I am interested in hearing the results from this test and hoping we get good feedback to move forward.

Baseline ultraound and bloodwork

I feel like one of the more inquisitive patients of the clinic, always asking what each test is for and what we are looking for and at in the ultrasounds. This surrogacy journey I am more familiar with the tight lipped ultrasound tech and keep my questions to a minimum to get what I feel like I should be aware of. At the baseline ultrasound for our first transfer, I think my lining was around 3.5mm which I was told "looked good". At today's baseline ultrasound for this upcoming transfer, it was around 6.25, which she said was a little thick but the blood work would tell us if that was my baseline. The nurse who took my blood said if I was still bleeding (which I am) it would continue to thin out so I am assuming we should be nice and thinned out by tomorrow when I start the Estrace again.

Three weeks and counting until transfer day. Patty and Shawn are planning on driving in for the transfer and it will be great to see them and give big hugs for what this journey has brought us so far.

A failed transfer is a scary thing for all of us, questing why it didn't work and if the next will be successful. Moving forward I feel I have a different sort of hope for this transfer, without the naivety of assuming it will work, but the joy of thinking of Patty and Shaw's faces when they finally get to hold their baby. We will do this until it works and that moment comes.

UPDATE: ultrasound and blood work looked great so we start meds today!

New Medication Calendar

My period has started and we have a med calendar for our new cycle!

10/23 baseline ultrasound and blood work
10/24 start estrace pills 3x/day
11/6 ultrasound
11/8 start Progesterone in Oil injections 1ml/daily
11/12 TRANSFER DAY!

As long as my uterus cooperates and things move along smoothly we will be transferring on 11-12-19, which would put the due date at the end of July. A lovely time to take home a little bundle of joy.

Fingers crossed. Legs crossed. Heart crossed. Let's hope second time is a charm!

Beta day - negative

We received the news Friday after noon, after four long stressful hours, that the beta was negative.

There were many emotions that came from this news, knowing there was one boy embryo left meant that the they would not be having a twin pregnancy or a little girl. There was much to be grieved after Friday and the hope that carried us to that day.

The clinic said that we could start again with my next cycle and I realized we had briefly discussed doing another transfer if this one did not work but we had such hope that the embryos would stick that it didn't feel like we needed to talk about future transfers. Or maybe we were afraid to talk about it since that would mean we had a failed cycle, and we wanted to keep all our attention on making that first transfer successful. I almost felt naïve at how little I worried about the possibility of a negative outcome.
After a few days I checked on with Patty to see if she was ready to even think about going forward. After all they have been through it just felt so unfair that this didn't work. But they had been discussing next steps, even creating more embryos if this next transfer doesn't stick.

So we are diving right back in, with knowledge of how a failed surrogacy transfer feels, and moving forward with hope again that this little boy with be the Little Embyro That Could.

Waiting.

We are now 9dp5dt (9 days post a 5 day transfer). One day left until blood test to determine our fates...

There is a lot of waiting around when going through surrogacy and  IVF. Waiting for a match, to sign contracts, an appointment, waiting for tests, waiting for results, waiting for your period, and that is all before a cycle can even start. The hardest wait of all is the TWW (two week wait).
It's hard not to symptom spot too when the biggest head f**k is not knowing if it's the progesterone or the embryos implanting or both. It also feel like forever to test day and when it arrives it's either a major high or a major low. If only we had a way to see just what was going on in there and put us all at ease.

The dull cramps that hang around most of the day feel so similar to period cramps that they are almost discouraging. When I think about this not working I want to cry and when my heart hurts and eyes water I wonder if it could be hormones causing it. It was nice to have the last 5 days off to spend with my family and give my mind some distraction.
I was having one moment in particular when I was feeling quite sad and a song came on the radio that made me smile and put some hope back in me, Don't Give up on Me by Andy Grammer. It hit home, how just because I may not feel "pregnant" right now, I should not give up on those embabies who I want to have implanted so bad it hurts. Patty and Shawn have been through so much loss it just seems unfair to give them any news other than, "this time it worked". The thought of them getting any other news than that just hurts.
I fund a little round blue jewel on my desk this last week, of course to me it looked like an embryo. I have not let it go, when I worry I rub it, when I think of those babies I squeeze it tight, when I want to cry I put it to my heart. The other night there was an amazing moon so I put it on the window sill next to my bed to soak up any positive vibes it could. I am not usually a person who looks for signs or superstitions but this little ritual seems to be calming in a time when I am trying to stay as stress free as possible.

 

Oh song lyrics, thanks for reminding me to keep my head up and smile :-)

I will fight
I will fight for you
I always do until my heart
Is black and blue

And I will stay
I will stay with you
We'll make it to the other side
Like lovers do

I'll reach my hands out in the dark
And wait for yours to interlock
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for you

'Cause I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No, not yet
Even when I'm down to my last breath
Even when they say there's nothin' left
So don't give up on

I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No, not me
Even when nobody else believes
I'm not goin' down that easily
So don't give up on me

And I will hold
I'll hold onto you
No matter what this world'll throw
It won't shake me loose

I'll reach my hands out in the dark
And wait for yours to interlock
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for you

'Cause I'm…

'Cause I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No, not yet
Even when I'm down to my last breath
Even when they say there's nothin' left
So don't give up on

I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No, not me
Even when nobody else believes
I'm not goin' down that easily
So don't give up on me

Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I will fight
I will fight for you
I always do until my heart
Is black and blue

Week 2 - Butterflies

Butterflies fluttering around you can be taken as a good sign, but what about when they are in your stomach. I was so calm and collected up until a couple of days past the transfer then I started paying attention to little details more, is that cramp them implanting, am I more nauseas, does my back hurt in a different way, is my temperature rising slightly, why don't I feel more different... did. it. work.
I think once the reality set in that these babies were no longer in the safety of their frozen storage and now trying to find a way to bring new life into this world, it became more real and stressful. Not in a way that puts stress on my body but stress on my heart for Patty and Shawn having to wait to hear if this worked.
It was so easy the first time that it was hard not to assume it would be the same, until I read more stories and realized that we actually got very lucky having it happen so fast last time.
Though I just had such a strong feeling that a little girl would come from this I will be a little shocked if the blood results come back negative Friday. But the pressure is on, if this doesn't work there is only one more little boy waiting for transfer.
I have had dull cramps the last few days which I am praying does not mean I am about to get my period and the transfer was not successful. Unfortunately a lot of pregnancy symptoms are the same as side effects of the medications I am taking as well as oncoming menstruation, nausea, back ache, cramps.
I just wish there were more clear signs that would reassure us before Friday. The time between the blood draw and the clinic email will seem like forever, in that time we can stay in the zone of wondering if this worked the first time...
But I do know we did everything we could to give them the best chance of a successful transfer, with good looking uterine lining and progesterone levels, good looking embryos that survived the thaw, and a loving process filled with such hope.

Hoping this adventure continues <3

Week 1 - rainbows and ladybugs

In one hour we it will be 24 hours since transfer, not that I'm counting.

However I could not help but to smile at the double rainbows I saw on the wall at work. I'll take that as a good sign. Patty said ladybugs landed on her when she was sitting outside the clinic right after the transfer. And when we were up in the clinic for the transfer there were SO MANY ladybugs in the window, like hundreds. And they ware crashing into the windows outside, with surprising force, like they just needed to get in on the joy, excitement, nerves and fear in the room.
I did a little Google search and found that ladybugs mean good luck and a sign to let go, let God, as well as to have faith and not have fear. Also, it's said if they are found inside, it means someone is pregnant nearby and can mean it's a girl. Um..... what?! Yes the information was on a blog (and we were in a fertility clinic) but I'm going to go with it, especially since I had a dream before we even did the transfer that there was at least one baby in there and that it was a girl.

 

So, since these babies will have a June due date I think I will refer to them as Junebugs!

 

 

Patty said that people who see the photos of us say we look like sisters. That reminded me of when I was a teenager and would go to this little nail salon in my hometown, the woman who did my nails would always ask about my sister. We had a bit of a language barrier so despite my numerous attempts to tell her I did not have a sister, I finally just went with it and said "she's good!" to which the woman responded "and how are her children". So maybe that nail artist was a bit of a premonitionsist (yes, I know that is not a word) and was asking about Patty's children.

 

So now we wait... blood test in 8 days and counting...

 

 



Transfer day!

Hello October 8th! We have been waiting for you...

Our shirts arrived yesterday just in time. I slept great last night, no nerves, just this nice calm knowing we are finally at this point. Every ultrasound, every blood draw, every pill and injection has got us to this point of the best possibility of having these babies implant. Now we put our faith in the clinic that they will thaw the embyros out just right, to transfer one little girl and one little boy.
Patty and Shawn are flying in for the afternoon and I am so happy this worked out for us to all be there.
Let the adventure begin!!

UPDATE: BABIES ON BOARD! The transfer was a success and wonderful. The doctor seemed pleased with the embryos and where he placed them. Even though he gave us a scare when he was a little unfamiliar with the little tubes they were shipped to the clinic in and we thought he accidentally handed Patty the actual embryos. Good to know, he did not! The embryos were in the back, thawed and beautifully hatching on their own and ready for a ride.

Feeling: back side is a little sore from the injections but only when I sit quickly or my lovely daughter is playing around and smacks my back, almost dropping me to my knees. At least she could see the humor in the situation. The nausea that started after the estrace pills has pretty much gone away as well as the headaches and fatigue so we are going into the transfer almost symptom free!

Current weight: 169
Next appointment: October 18th at 9:15 for the 10 day blood work

...Estimated Due Date would be in June...

Ultrasound check in

This morning we had what should be the final check in (blood work and ultrasound) before the transfer Tuesday. The u/s tech from today is the same one I saw during the my first surro-pregnancy. She is very direct and no-nonsense. When I went in for the heartbeat confirmation and to see how may babies implanted, I was waiting for her to chat a bit and gently inform us if one or both babies were in there. However, she said nothing while she started the ultrasound then said "there's two" and didn't say anything else, with no emotion on her face! Yes, I know we transferred two but it was still a shock to hear that I was pregnant with twins. The dads and I were silent for a moment while we absorbed the news, then absolutely overjoyed and laughed after about how she gave us the great news with no ice breaker.
Today was no different, there was no emotion or giveaway on her face as she did the ultrasound. I asked  what she was looking for and she said they measure the lining thickness and she checks to make sure the ovaries are "quiet". I kept looking at her waiting for me to tell me my lining thickness and volume of my ovaries, but I got nothing. She said they would contact me this afternoon. Then right as she was about to walk out she said "You've done this before right? So you know the shots are coming..." I said she was correct and knew all about the shots.  I may be reading into her brief words but since she mentioned the shots I am going to assume my lining was good and ovaries were quiet and we will still be starting the POI shots tonight.

Side note, while looking at a group of current articles that gets sent to my work email, one of the titles was 'Twin Birthrate Drops For First Time Since The '80s' and my first thought was "not if I have anything to do with it!"

Update: Lining looked great, though there was a little bit of fluid. We are still on for starting the POI shots tonight which the clinic says should help to get rid of the fluid in time.

Next apt: Sunday October 6th at 9:30 to confirm the fluid is gone and give us clearance to transfer those babies!

If we do transfer the babies Tuesday they should be born in June! :-)

The view from NRM. The leaves are changing!

Getting ready for the first shot!

 

 

The little blue pill

I started Estrace on Sunday September 22nd. I don't remember any harsh side effects last time and I was also taking Lupron injections at that time. This last week I have felt a little more fatigue, some nausea and slight headaches which I think may have happened last time too and are all known side effects of the pill. Progesterone shots start Thursday after the Ultrasound. I still am not a fan of needles but I am almost looking forward to the first shot since that means we will be close to transfer day!
People often ask "How can you do that?", referring to many parts of surrogacy. For me any of the pain doesn't really calculate into the situation. Obviously I would not just submit myself to all of this if there wasn't the possibility of such a wonderful outcome, but everything just blends together in this journey as one direction and you cant keep going in that direction without all the moving parts, one of which is a big ass needle in the back. So when I see the look of sympathy on the IP's faces knowing I am sticking myself daily, it is easy to brush off and say don't worry about it because to me, it is just another part of the process!
Each shot and pill is just a moment in the day. So you grin and bear it, knowing that the end goal is like a bright light overshadowing all the little things that are part of the journey.

Shirts are ordered for transfer day! I’m drinking as much water as I can to stay hydrated and make sure the medication is distributed as best as it can, take the stairs whenever I can at work to keep my blood flowing, and decreased caffeine to increase the ability to fluff up my uterus.
One week until transfer!

We have a transfer date!

Since the baseline ultrasound looked great, we have a tentative transfer date of October 8th!
This means our due date would technically be around June 25-27th depending if on if the babies are a 3 or 5 day blast  :-)
During the last pregnancy I delivered the twins at 35 weeks 4 days. Nice and healthy, almost 6 pounders! I delivered both my son and daughter 9 days earlier so I think it is safe to assume these babies will also come early.
Our kids get out of school in mid June and I think it would be great to have a week of recovery while they are in school sine life gets a little chaotic during the first few weeks of summer, so if all works out well, we will be able to meet those babies in the beginning of June.

Two weeks and counting!

 

 

Current Meds: Estrace pills 3xday

Next Appointment: Thursday October 3rd at 8:30 for an ultrasound and blood work

 

 

 

 

 

 

Way to go Aunt Flo!

My period started Friday! I emailed our awesome nurse at the clinic to let her know and instantly got an email back saying she was out until Sunday. (AHH!) I had to laugh because it feels like every time we were ready to move to the next step, something comes up to slightly delay our momentum. Even though everything has worked out perfectly even with any delays, so I told myself to relax and everything will continue as needed. Then I got an email from our agency saying the clinic nurse happened to be there that day (luck me!) and told me to call the clinic and say she gave me permission to schedule the ultrasound on Sunday.
I called the clinic to inform them I was 'cycle day 1' and schedule the baseline ultrasound (which needs to happened 2 days after the period starts). They tried to schedule me for Monday but since I got permission we got scheduled for Sunday :-)

Things feel like they are moving right along now!



9/22 confirmed meds with the pharmacy and scheduled delivery.
9/21 Meds were delivered!
9/22 Baseline Ultrasound and blood work

Estrace pills (3xday) and Progesterone in Oil for the IM shots.

The view from the clinic. Fall will be gorgeous from up here!

Baseline Ultrasound looked great!

Signed, sealed and delivered.. to NRM!

Contracts were signed Tuesday, which fell on our 2 year wedding anniversary! Lots to celebrate!
Shortly after sending the final signed contract to our lawyer I got an email from Northeastern Reproductive Medicine (NRM) that they got the clearance to proceed.

The next step is to call NRM when I get my period to go in for the first baseline ultrasound and to pick up the meds they ordered. My period is supposed to come this week so the timing could not have been better. The last BC pill would have been Saturday but I continued until Monday to make sure it did not come before contracts were signed or we would have had to wait for my next cycle.
I have never looked forward to getting a period before and now I get excited for each cramp because it makes me hopeful that Aunt Flo is coming to visit meaning we can continue this journey smoothly and start meds soon!

The first two week wait...

Well, both our lawyers went on vacation for a week right when we got our medical and psych clearance! I guess that was to be expected right before school starts but my oh my that put a stop to our progress for a couple of weeks. Were on such a roll I thought we would be on track to sign those contracts, start meds and transfer in no time. Now it looks like we will be looking at a possible October transfer if we can get things moving.
Luckily they used a very similar contract as last time so we should not have to go back and forth too many times. There was not much for me to edit once I did receive the contract a week after the lawyers returned (the first two week wait...ahh!), and hopefully once the IPS and their lawyer approve it we can sign and get started with the medications.
I was looking over my med schedule from last time and I think I was on the estrace pills and Lupron shots for at least a month to fluff up my uterus, though I think since we are doing a frozen embryo transfer this time as opposed to the fresh embryo transfer last time, I was told I would not have to do the Lupron shot. The main question on my mind at this point is, if everything goes according to plan, how long is it expected to take for the meds to fluff up my uterus enough to transfer those babies!

I joined a group on Facebook for surrogates transferring soon, and I have read about some who had to rescheduled numerous time because they ovulated through the meds, their uterine lining was not thick enough or too thick, and other barriers that got in their way of transferring. I always assume that this will go smoothly and the issues will be minimal so I have refrained from reading any other surrogates experiences because they are putting so many situations in my head that I feel will not have to be a worry of ours! Though I think it will be helpful once we get started to have that additional level of support, right now I am going to stay focused on whatever the next step on our journey will be.

During the contract phase I believe that the surrogates and the IPS don't have much contact while the legal stuff is taken care which has been a little sad not taking with Patty and our check in texts. It will be a relief to see that final email come in asking us to sign those contracts so we can get this train moving faster again!

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant, with a girl. I was 39 weeks + 5 days, and someone asked when I was due and I started to panic when I realized I was 2 days away from 40 weeks and had not planned anything or asked for time off.
Clearly, I am a planner so that part of the dream is nonsense (hahaha) but I woke up with a smile on my face that the pregnancy dreams have already started and my body is ready to make some babies for our wonderful IPs <3

I have hit refresh on my phone's email app so many times it may start fighting back soon...

We are cleared for take off!

We now have psych and medical clearance and are ready to move on to the legal phase.

The lawyer we worked with during the last surrogacy reached out again and it sounds like we will be going off a similar contract so this next step should go pretty quick.
Last week it felt like things were moving also at a slow pace  with an appointment each week and then all of a sudden we were moving again getting the clearance email and lawyer contact in one day. Now I keep checking my email, feeling the pace slowing down again. I know that this process is moving along very smoothly for us but September feels so far away and so close depending on the day.
I am looking forward to signing those contracts and getting the medication calendar and transfer date since I think that will finally feel like we have jumped the main hurdles and are on our way to making babies! Of course that is when the "fun" begins, and we will be the constant hurry up and wait phase... is the uterine lining fluffy enough? are my hormone levels correct? the process of thawing the embryos?! The TRANSFER!!! :-) what is the 1st hcg level? and the 2nd hcg level? the first scan...
Then we will be able to breath again and really enjoy this pregnancy.
But oh, how those little moments up to that point may be nerve racking, there is also so much joy and excitement.

So let's hurry up and wait...

Psych Clearance Appointment

Yesterday we got to see Patty and Shawn again! We met up for coffee before heading to out appointment with the social worker for out psych clearance (spoiler: we passed!). It was so good to see them and catch up that the time got away from us and we had to rush over to the clinic for our meeting.
During our chat we found out that Dave and Patty have very similar sleeping patterns, don't poke the bear too early in the morning, as do Shawn and I who are early risers. And, one of the best part of our conversation was Patty asking me to be a part of the baby shower.  I am letting them take the lead on how much involvement they want to have and was very excited to know that they want us to be a part of such a special time in this baby-making journey!
It was great to see the social worker, Angela, again as we met with her for our last surrogacy psych clearance. It was nice to review the last surrogacy and how this one will be different in many ways and just as, if not more, exciting!

Next step will be getting official documentation that the physical and mental clearance have been completed sent to the Vermont Surrogacy Network who will notify the lawyers to begin the contract phase.
We are already almost a week into August and September feels right around the corner, but also so far away! Looking forward to keeping this moving along and getting to the actual transfer. This process so far has been so special and such a good fit so far that I can't wait for the next step...and the smiles on their faces when we confirm the pregnancy!!!

Medical Clearance Appointment

July 16th - Medical Clearance Appointment

Blood work, physical and sonohysterogram (an imaging study of the uterus where fluid is inserted into the uterus via the cervix to examine the uterine lining) or as the Doctor referred to it as "invasive, wet and a little undignified".
Everything looks great so far and now we just have to wait for the blood work results to complete the medical clearance.

Since we are doing a frozen embryo transfer there will be one less medication than last time, so there will be a few less pokes without having to do the Lupron injections. It sounds like we will be using the Estrace pills for a few weeks to fluff up the uterine lining and then start the Progesterone in Oil shots (aka the pain in the ass shots), right before the actual transfer up to week 8-10.

Next Step: Psych screening with the IPs, potentially August 5th, then we will move onto legal and get contracts started.

Hopefully we stay on track with things rolling smoothly to transfer by September!!



Weight: 175.7

IUD is OUT

This weekend I had my IUD taken out and started birth control pills.

Thankfully there was no pain this time! It was a quick procedure that was over before I knew it and I didn't feel a thing. However there was some cramping, light headedness, and slight nausea for a couple of days, but nothing unexpected.
I did have an interesting conversation with my doctor, about how she had considered being a surrogate in the past. I am always interested in the stories I hear about other people's thoughts on and experiences with being a surrogate. Although surrogacy has become a very normal and expected thing in my life, I am always a little surprised to hear when others have considered becoming a surrogate. I just never realized how many people surrogacy touches.

I am very excited to have three other women I know doing a surrogacy in the near future as well, since the first time everything was so foreign and I relied a lot on my dear friend Google, and old surrogacy blogs to guide my way. I have really enjoyed talking with them through their own experiences with getting matched and what to expect. I am looking forward to this next surrogacy, not only because of the couple, but all the additional support!

My son keeps saying that I need to have a baby for someone, ever since we met the parents, which makes me excited for the kids support in this. September feels so far away, while also coming up quick!

Next step is to contact NRM to set up the appointment for medical clearance.

Carrying love in your heart.. and on your hips

Your body changes after each pregnancy, not unexpected. But I was a little surprised at how my body was able to give the twins back to their dads once they were born, and then put all the weight back on!
Listen up hips, thighs and stomach, I know you enjoyed carrying the twins but it's time to move on and drop the extra baggage.

I have noticed my hips having a little extra padding after each birth which doesn't hurt when you are holding a baby on that hip! But after a surrogacy, there is no hip-sitting-baby, but oh those hips are still there.
I gained 30 pounds with my first child, 15 pounds with the second. Adjusting to having a toddler and new baby kept me active. Though when my doctor asked "Do you work out? On purpose.." I had to laugh to myself, since there wasn't much time for purposeful exercise with two young kids, working and being in grad school. I am not a fan of down time, if you couldn't tell yet :-)

With the first surro twins I was told to gain 35-50 pounds. I ended up gaining 25 pounds, with happy health babies (that belly was all them!),  and topping out at 180 when they were delivered at 35 weeks and 4 days.

Being on bed rest and not having much of an appetite after the C-section, aided me in losing all the pregnancy weight at my 2 week check in.
I patted my self on the back for getting a couple of pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. Then reality kicked in. Once I was mobile enough to move but not stand for long I looked for quick and easy snacks and had pretty limited activity due to the pain. This resulted in the weight slowly creeping back up.
Working in a doctors office, there was a scale around every corner giving me easy access to weighing myself numerous times a day and realizing I was gaining 1-2 pounds a week after returning to work. I was gaining weight easier then in the beginning of the pregnancy when I was actually trying to gain weight.

This was probably one of the least expected things I was expecting after the pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I knew I would gain weight. I knew I would have to recover from the C-section before working out again. And I had heard the older you get the harder it can be to loose weight, but it still surprised me that it was easier to continue gaining than to even out or loose.

Going into this next surrogacy I have to plan on continuing to focus on physical activity and my actual habits throughout AND after the birth. Making sure to have healthy options available after the delivery and not expect to have the weight fall off like it had in the past. For me, it was always much easier to eat healthy and really focus on taking care of myself during pregnancy. Even more so with a surrogate pregnancy since every choice I make is directly affecting someone else's child(ren), which just feels like you are held more accountable. Maybe skip that snickers bar or coffee you may be craving...

I ask myself, what would the mom be doing while pregnant? How would she be taking care of herself and the baby? And make sure I can follow each thing she would want to have happen during her pregnancy, because this is her pregnancy. My body, but her pregnancy.  I am just the Stork.

Current weight: 180 ... I guess it's time to return to my Pinterest page to review all those exercises I pinned while lying in the hospital dreaming about how I could not wait to get out and start exercising! Cheers to more Doing and less Pining!



You are Matched!

The face-to-face could not have gone better! It was a nice, laid back day and the kids behaved relatively well while demanding attention in the most adorable way. Jacob said that I should grow some babies and give them to Patty so I think we have his approval. While Briella is a little more hesitant for the sole reason that the bigger I get, the less likely I will play board games with her.  When a friend picked her up from daycare last year and she found out I had the twins, her first response was "great, now she can finally play a game with me again!".

Honestly, after 20 weeks pregnant with twins there is no reason I will be sitting on the ground since I can't get back up on my own! So I will have to find ways to make B feel special this time, and see many pedicures in our future since she loves getting her nails done.

 

As for Patty and Shawn, I feel like we would have been friends outside of this anyway experience anyway since they are so similar to Dave and myself. She came in and hung out with me and this kids at first and Dave gave Shawn a tour of our property and they bonded over the skate ramps and the bmx track like little kids. 

Patty kept saying to let her know if she gets too “annoying” or “gets too involved” which I thought was funny since I think that is exactly how she should be when I’m “babysitting” their kids. We talked about how I may want another kid at some point in the far future, which may just be because my kids are past the baby phase and I am missing it but Dave doesn’t think we need any more kids. Patty joked around saying if one of the embryos split we could keep the third child, which showed me we have a very similar sense of humor.

Over all I think it was a great success and we could not have asked for a better match. I think this is exactly what I was hoping for with a couple that wants to be super involved, with the bonus of a possible friendship after as well.

 

It looks like we are going for a mid/late-September transfer,  that way I would be due in early June and most likely have them in mid-May (possibly by Mother's Day!) and I could recover the last week my kids are in school and Dave can be there to help me while they are in school. That should make it a little easier on my family and I should be back to normal-ish by the time the kids are out of school for the summer.

 

I could not imagine being super pregnant with twins in the winter and trying to walk in snow. I could barely make it up the stairs towards the end last time! Do you hear that Vermont?! If you could avoid snowing in May next year that would be great...

 

Next step is moving the embryos to clinic, and my IUD is scheduled to come out at the end of June!
 

Let the fun begin :-)

Parent Meeting Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day! We will be meeting with my future womb mate's parents. So many questions are running through my head.  Will we hit it off right from the beginning? Will we hug when we meet? Will the conversation flow smoothly? Will my kids try to dominate the show and perform like we are their audience?

Well I know the answer to that last one, of course they will. I wonder how it will be this time with Jacob being older and understanding more about what is going on. He was two when we started the last pregnancy and he didn't really care that my belly grew, I spent some time in the hospital and had a couple weeks of down time. When he visited me at the hospital he was more excited to take a tour than to hang out with me or see the babies.

The pregnancy timeline will be different this time, starting in September instead of December which may work out good for me if morning sickness kicks in right around the time colder weather moves in and lazy days lounging on the couch are more in style. Although I may be 6 months pregnant with twins in February, when we get the most snow. And last time around that time stairs or long walks became an enemy so hopefully I don't fall down in the snow or I may be stuck there until someone comes along and hoists me back up!

Either way it will be a fun, exciting new adventure with new friends! Looking forward to getting this show on the road :-)

Happy Mother's Day 2019

This morning I received a text, "Happy Mother's Day!! Hope you have a great day!!!!!!!"

This was not just another Mother's Day text, it was from a woman who I will have a much different relationship with next year at this time. My first thought was that next year I will be able to say the same thing back to her and that thought filled me with such love and a big smile.
In about four months we will be transferring her two tiny embryos, which I will be babysitting for a while before returning them to their parents arms as chunky little babies. It is amazing how families can come to be and I could not be happier than be a part of this journey with them.

Let the journey begin!