Beta day - negative

We received the news Friday after noon, after four long stressful hours, that the beta was negative.

There were many emotions that came from this news, knowing there was one boy embryo left meant that the they would not be having a twin pregnancy or a little girl. There was much to be grieved after Friday and the hope that carried us to that day.

The clinic said that we could start again with my next cycle and I realized we had briefly discussed doing another transfer if this one did not work but we had such hope that the embryos would stick that it didn't feel like we needed to talk about future transfers. Or maybe we were afraid to talk about it since that would mean we had a failed cycle, and we wanted to keep all our attention on making that first transfer successful. I almost felt naïve at how little I worried about the possibility of a negative outcome.
After a few days I checked on with Patty to see if she was ready to even think about going forward. After all they have been through it just felt so unfair that this didn't work. But they had been discussing next steps, even creating more embryos if this next transfer doesn't stick.

So we are diving right back in, with knowledge of how a failed surrogacy transfer feels, and moving forward with hope again that this little boy with be the Little Embyro That Could.