Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Embryos Under Construction

12 follicles, 8 fertilized embryos, 5 frozen tested and frozen.

Now the waiting game.. continues! Once we have the results of the genetic testing, I will stop taking birth control and when my cycle starts I will begin the medications for (hopefully) our last transfer, of two embabies, and would be due at the end of this year.
No better way to celebrate 2020, than to bring one or two babies into this world and into the loving arms of two parents who have had to wait too long.

Let's do this!

Thursday, January 2, 2020

Happy New Year

It is a new year and time for change. We are continuing our baby making journey and will soon be making embryos. Our hope is to create enough to transfer two embryos for our potentially last transfer which should be scheduled by the end of February hopefully.
We will proceed with hope and positivity, acknowledging previous transfers while not letting them determine the outcome of future transfers. Cheers to the new year, let it be very productive for us all!

Friday, December 20, 2019

Next steps

The beta was negative again. We were a little more prepared since I tested the previous morning, but it doesn't make it any easier. It was the last embryo, the last little boy, the last chance before more a lot more time/money/emotions/etc. will have to be exhausted.
A plan was discussed with the doctor and it looks like our next steps are to collect eggs to make more embryos. There is so much waiting involved in surrogacy, waiting for matches, contracts, cycles, ultrasounds, transfers, blood work, blood work, and more blood work! And now we move on to the next stage together where we will sit on the edge of seats waiting to see how many follicles, eggs, embryos and viable embryos will come to us to continue our journey.
It sounds like we may be looking at a potential late January-February transfer which would put a due date into late next year. My only concern through this was delivering in the winter in case we could not make it to the hospital. But at this point we are so determined to get through this with a baby or two on the other end, I am already prepping in my mind on weather tracking and staying at a friends house near the hospital if there is even the slightest hint of snow near delivery time!

I know we need to take this one step at a time, day by day, but we are all ready for a miracle so if this next year could bring us some miraculous days, that would be much appreciated.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

8dpt - one line

As of this morning, the home pregnancy tests have been negative. It has been just as hard this time knowing this transferred may have failed. We have done everything we could have done to give us the best result... a baby. But for some reason, the odds were against us. I guess in IVF, the odds can easily be against you.
This time, Patty and Shawn know about the test before going into the beta tomorrow. I hope that it makes it a little less stressful, nothing will make it easier, but at least a little less stressful.
We are already talking about a plan to get more eggs/embryos and go at this again. This will give them back a chance at a girl, and also twins. At this point I would gladly transfer three embryos to up our chances. We are going to make a baby, I am confident in that. And this time we should also have the option of a fresh transfer.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019


One week since transfer, two days until blood work. Every time I feel even the slightest symptom, I lean into it praying I will get nauseas or my breasts will get sore (my tell). And each day that passes makes this transfer feel similar to the first. I feel more prepared this time, regardless of the outcome, knowing we will get through this together and keep going. When I mention in the surrogacy groups that I have not yet seen a second line on any pregnancy tests, women respond with hopeful stories of not seeing a line until six or seven days after transfer, one woman had negative tests up until her beta and was very surprised she was pregnant after assuming the transfer had failed.
I bought the cheapie tests, so if it was negative, I could say maybe they are wrong. I took a test just shy of 5 and 6 days post transfer, so if it was negative, I could say maybe it was too soon. But it is quite deflating to not see that second line by 6 days post transfer. Yes, I know that some people get a positive test after 6 days but from what I have seen if you don't see a line by 6 days, it can be telling about what the beta will reveal. I am preparing for this one to possibly be the same outcome as our first transfer and will be over the moon if little Eddie was just a slow grower and is in there multiplying cells as I type.
I believe Patty and Shawn want to create more embyros, which could give them back the possibility a girl or even twins. This thought also warms my heart. I can picture it in my head, nine months pregnant, lying in a hospital bed with Patty by my side, hand on the bump, talking to her little one(s) waiting for them to come out, smiling up at Shawn. I can see it, clearly. We just need to figure out a way to get there.

Friday, December 13, 2019

3dpt - Dear Santa

The last three nights I have woken up out of a dead sleep to being wide awake. Two of the nights the pavlovian response to waking at 3am was yell "are you ok?" since the reason I am usually up around that time is when one of the kids has a bad dream and comes barreling into our room. But this morning the second my eyes opened I felt ready to run a marathon.

I don't think I feel the little cramps like I did yesterday but I swear if I try to focus on a symptom, like nausea, it gets worse (insert eye roll). So I am going to try to distract myself from trying to focus on any symptoms, since there is no way to know if the meds are causing any symptoms or not.

Dear Santa, can you please add a crystal ball to my wish list... along this a positive pregnancy test...

I am not sure if my nightly awakenings have anything to do with fatigue, but I have had a hard time staying awake on the bus home from the hospital after work. One night this week I think I may have actually fallen asleep for a moment, and had to question if I missed my stop when I woke up (I didn't). But I do remember feeling exhausted in the first trimester with the twins so hopefully this is a sign my energy is being pulled to other parts of my body for a good cause.

Thursday, December 12, 2019

2dpt - Please be a zebra

“When you hear hoof beats in the hallway, think horses, not zebras.”
...unless your are 2 days post transfer and have your ear to the ground praying those hoof beats are zebras. Every cramp or twinge in my lower abdomen has me stopping to wonder, could this be implantation??? Did my temperature just rise a little? Am I nauseas or car sick? Is it the meds causing symptoms or something else?

After our last transfer I didn't feel much different, until about a week after when I felt dull cramps that were very similar to those you feel before a period starts. I am trying to stay off Google, away from percentages and success rates depending on variables of transfer, and stick with the thought that we have done everything we could to make sure the embryo had the perfect environment to thrive given the chance and keeping my eye on the prize of handing him back to Patty and Shawn come August.

Throughout the day I have felt some mild cramps off and on, some a quick and sharp, others longer and dull.