This journey did not go as any of us had planned. When we signed contracts last year and agreed to three transfers, I never even considered it would take more than one. I was so naïve going into this expecting it to work so easy. I now know that that is not how fertility or IVF work. The odds are literally against you, but it is so easy to forget that part. We have now completed three transfers and none were successful. People often refer to them as failed transfers, but I hate the word fail in this situation. We have put in so much effort, hope, love, and science along the way that we just expected it to work. We did everything right, covered all our bases, asked all the right questions and did all the right procedures. There is no reason it didn't work, other than this just not being fair. If this process were fair at all, they would have a house full of kids at this point. But instead, we were handed broken hearts.
I have no regrets about this and could not have been matched with a better couple. I only hope that they find some sort of peace knowing they tried.
You are strong enough to face it all, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. 💛💙💜 3 days post transfer, that time where you see few people get faint lines yet also that time where it is too soon to test. Our first transfer, I was so naïve thinking it would work like it did with my first twin surro journey. I was honestly surprised to never see a second line. After our second transfer I was cautiously optimistic but scared after the first fail. This third and final journey could go anyway, but I have been focusing on the fact that regardless of what road we choose and what emotions I try to be mindful of, the outcome will be the same. The embryos were beautiful, they were hatching like they couldn't wait to get on with life. At this point, we are either pregnant or we are not. So for the next couple days, I’m going to talk to the little embabies like they are growing as we we hope and dream. I think of them as our little butterflies, because my stomach will be fluttering until we get those beta results. During our last transfer I was so anxious and sad and allowing myself to wallow and grieve before we got to the beta in an attempt to bury those uncomfortable feelings sooner. Since this is our last transfer, I don’t want this joyous feeling to go away any sooner than it has to. We are going to focus on the little butterflies flourishing inside me. I’m going to be grateful for every pill and shot I have to give myself to keep them growing. I’m going to embrace the nausea and other symptoms because it is part of the journey. The pain will always be waiting for us if we get a negative result. But, we are not there. We will remain in this place of excitement and love and the beautiful chaos of the unknown and will love our little butterflies as long as we can. Manifesting positive thoughts..
thinking of us all 9 months from now, I'm guessing October 15th, we will be in the hospital waiting on their arrival. Butterflies in all our stomachs until we hear the first cry, the noise that shatters fear and longing. Once our little butterflies come out of their cocoon and spread their wings for the first time, we can look back on what an adventure this has been.
We got there early to spend some time with Patty and Shawn before heading back, as nice and relax as one could be before getting pregnant. The doctor said the embryos were beautiful, one almost completely hatched and the other actively hatching! The actual transfer went smooth or in the doctors words "poifect".
It's hard not to be a symptom spotter when you are impatiently waiting for a sign that that transfer stuck while also trying to focus on being relaxed and staying positive that this will all work out.
After the transfer I went home and spent most of the night relaxing in bed, getting up every so often to make sure the blow stayed flowing through my body, trying to mind control it into pumping up the uterus. I woke up a couple times through out the night but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
Today my lower back is a bit sore, which I have heard other who transferred say they experienced, as well as some light cramps and some twitches in the uterine area. From timelines I have seen, it is around 2-3 days post transfer that the embryo attaches and that is when you may feel some twinges in that area, so I'm taking it as a good sign the girls are snuggling into their sports for the next 9 months.
Me before transfer: I’ll test at 7pdt
Me at transfer: I’ll test at 5 dpt
Me 1 hour post transfer: it could be positive 4pdt...
The ultrasound and blood work looked great today. My lining is thickening as needed and my ovaries are quiet. Tonight I will start the PIO shots and next Tuesday we will all meet again to transfer the girls.
TRANSFER: 2/28/2020 at 11:30am!
The rainbow symbolism serves as an obvious symbol of peace and serenity. These feelings are often evoked when looking at a rainbow. More significantly, rainbows are often seen after a rainstorm when the sun breaks through the clouds. This provides us with a very powerful and important message. Patty and Shawn have had their unfair share of rainstorms and this transfer will hopefully be the break in the clouds we have been waiting for. The girls have been waiting patiently for the time to continue growing and finally be back in the arms of their parents later this year.
Waiting on our pot(s) of gold at the end of the RAINBOW
We have moved the transfer date up to 2/18 so that Patty can fly in and be there for her girls.
The girls. The Gallo Girls. There is something about the way that sounds that just feels right, like it was meant to be.
We have an ultrasound and blood work tomorrow to confirm my lining is thickening up as needed, which it has for the last three cycles so I am not concerned about that, and to confirm my ovaries stay quiet and there are no follicles. So basically they can cheer us on silently on the sidelines.
And in one week we will be giving the girls a new home where they hopefully stick around for the next 9 months or so!
If this was a natural cycle I would already be 1 week and 5 days pregnant, since you are considered 2.5 weeks pregnant at transfer with 5-day blasts. Which means we will be due in October!!
Two weeks and counting until the transfer!
The Estrace caused some mild nausea when I first started it again, but it passed quickly.
This cycle feels just right, in the words of Goldilocks. I was hesitant to transfer after February because the delivery would be pushed into Winter and I want to make sure we can make it to the hospital without snow covered roads! So a February transfer works great, putting delivery by November.
Transferring in the month of love and delivering in the month of Thanks.
The baseline ultrasound yesterday looked great, lining was beautiful and blood work just right.
I started the estrace yesterday which I will continue for the next 10 weeks (fingers crossed!).
We have a follow up ultrasound on the 12th, and if all looks good the progesterone in oil shots start the 13th. Just in time for Valentine's Day (my daughter's original due date).
Our transfer is tentatively scheduled for February 19, 2020. A great day to get pregnant!
February is filled with much love in my world, with my daughter's birthday, my birthday and Valentines Day. And now we will be transferring their two little girls and this month will be filled with even more love.