3dpt - Dear Santa

The last three nights I have woken up out of a dead sleep to being wide awake. Two of the nights the pavlovian response to waking at 3am was yell "are you ok?" since the reason I am usually up around that time is when one of the kids has a bad dream and comes barreling into our room. But this morning the second my eyes opened I felt ready to run a marathon.

I don't think I feel the little cramps like I did yesterday but I swear if I try to focus on a symptom, like nausea, it gets worse (insert eye roll). So I am going to try to distract myself from trying to focus on any symptoms, since there is no way to know if the meds are causing any symptoms or not.

Dear Santa, can you please add a crystal ball to my wish list... along this a positive pregnancy test...

I am not sure if my nightly awakenings have anything to do with fatigue, but I have had a hard time staying awake on the bus home from the hospital after work. One night this week I think I may have actually fallen asleep for a moment, and had to question if I missed my stop when I woke up (I didn't). But I do remember feeling exhausted in the first trimester with the twins so hopefully this is a sign my energy is being pulled to other parts of my body for a good cause.

2dpt - Please be a zebra

“When you hear hoof beats in the hallway, think horses, not zebras.”
...unless your are 2 days post transfer and have your ear to the ground praying those hoof beats are zebras. Every cramp or twinge in my lower abdomen has me stopping to wonder, could this be implantation??? Did my temperature just rise a little? Am I nauseas or car sick? Is it the meds causing symptoms or something else?

After our last transfer I didn't feel much different, until about a week after when I felt dull cramps that were very similar to those you feel before a period starts. I am trying to stay off Google, away from percentages and success rates depending on variables of transfer, and stick with the thought that we have done everything we could to make sure the embryo had the perfect environment to thrive given the chance and keeping my eye on the prize of handing him back to Patty and Shawn come August.

Throughout the day I have felt some mild cramps off and on, some a quick and sharp, others longer and dull.

1dpt - It's getting hot in here

1 day post transfer...

Last night when I was sitting on the couch after the kids went to bed, I noticed I felt warmer than usual, a very rare thing in our house. Usually my husband is begging to turn down the heat while I threaten to put my cold hands and (colder) feet on him if he goes near the thermostat. But last night when I mentioned I was feeling a little warm (not feverish!), we both looked at each other and said "maybe that means something!", since I always felt like I ran hot during pregnancy even though I didn't have a higher temperature.
After our last transfer I had some mild cramps 5-7 days after the transfer and headaches and nausea most days, but the medications also have those side effects so I felt like I was trying to look for any signs/symptoms that would prove to us I was pregnant.
It is too soon to over analyze any symptoms, we will save that for tomorrow, but I felt a little mild cramping today which will continue my hope that this little guy is implanting and will be sticking around!

So for now I am saying Bye Bye to coffee, at least until we get to beta, (insert ugly cry) to make a nice calm environment to incentivize Eddie to hang around.

Knock me up doc!

TRANSFER DAY!
Today could not have gone better! We definably missed Patty and Shawn being there in person, and then our video chat would not work (ahhhh!) but they were able to stay on the phone with us during the transfer which seemed quick and easy! Their puppies needed them this week, and while it would have been great to have them there, especially since things went so well today, I am happy they were both home together to celebrate how well everything went today and didn't have to travel so far for such a quick appointment.
During our first transfer the male doctor seemed to have a hard time getting the catheter in the right place and kept asking if he was in the right spot which I think put us on a little on edge. This time, with my bladder a little less full and way more comfortable, the nurse (who I love) was able to see my uterus and fundus right away and apparently had a great view. The catheter went directly into place where it needed to be and BAM, the little embryo was in there! There was such a good positive vibe in the room, and I felt a little more at ease with the female doctor who I have enjoyed working with there (the same doc who transferred the twins during my first surrogacy).

Let it go! Let it go! Into my uterus let the embryo flow!

Next Appointment: Blood work on 12/19/19 (9dpt)

ERA Results and Ultrasound

We got the ERA results which showed I would be more receptive with an additional day of progesterone, so 6 days instead of 5 days of shots pre transfer. I had an ultrasound yesterday morning which showed the lining was great, they wanted at least 8mm and I was at 12mm. Yay! Then I saw the ultrasound tech measuring something after looking at the uterus and ovaries and after enough of there I knew that the screen looked a little different. Of course I had to ask, and she said there was one small follicle, which the estrace should be suppressing follicles from growing and me from ovulating. She did not seem the least bit concerned since the progesterone shots that I start today should keep my ovaries quiet, as well as get rid of the tiny bit of fluid that was in there. The last two cycles they saw a little bit of fluid which went away quickly with the PIO shots.
This time the clinic did not even request another ultrasound before transfer to confirm the fluid has gone away, which makes me think they are confident enough it will which means that the next time I see them will be on Transfer Day!
My mother told me her father's birthday is December 10th, his name was Edward so I have been lovingly referring to the little blastocyte as Eddie the Embyro, or the little embryo who could (hopefully!). I called my grandfather Nono and always thought it was so cool he met and married my grandmother who I called Nona, thinking how perfect it was that people with such similar names fell in love. As I grew up I realized their names were actually Edward and Marie and we only referred to them as Nono and Nona, which still makes me smile.
My grandfather passed away when my mom was pregnant with me, and she has told me numerous times over the years about the day they held his service at their home in San Francisco. She went upstairs into her parent's bedroom to lie on the bed and have some quiet from the friends and family gathered downstairs. She said she suddenly felt his presence so strongly that she thought she would see him sitting on the end of his bed next to her. He was a very loving and loyal man to his family and apparently has been with me in spirit since I was in utero so I am sending up a prayer for him to be with us throughout this journey and help little Eddie implant and grow!

Shots start again tonight and we have...

ONE WEEK TO GO!!

 

 

Third cycle's a charm?

My period started last Sunday, I had the baseline ultrasound the next day, and started Estrace pills last Tuesday. I have not missed those pills as I seem to have headaches throughout the day when taking them but it is exciting to get right back into this cycle.

We have a tentative transfer date of December 10th, which would put the due date in late August. The failed transfer was a hard hit, but there is something about this cycle that feels different. I am hoping we get helpful results from the ERA, while trying not to let the failed transfer put any doubts in my mind. I almost feel naïve that I went into the first transfer with such confidence. But we have taken all the steps to make it successful and  there is a little boy waiting to meet his parents so I choose to believe that this time next month I will be looking at a positive pregnancy test.

Two weeks until transfer. Let the journey continue!

Hopefully third cycle's a charm!

CYCLE 2 - ERA

During our first transfer, my lining and labs looked great and the embryos were a good quality so there was no real reason for the transfer to fail other than the odds of IFV never really being in your favor. So we decided to ask for a way to increase our success with the next transfer, especially since it is the last embryo.

During our 2nd cycle, instead of doing the transfer on November 14th, we did an endometrial receptivity array (ERA), a this test was developed to evaluate issues with the receptivity of the uterus that may lead to failed implantation.

To achieve successful implantation, an embryo must be at the correct developmental stage when the uterus is prepared to accept it. This precise timing is known as the “window of implantation.”
Traditionally it has been assumed that each woman has the same window, with implantation occurring 8 - 10 days after ovulation in most women. Consequently, embryo transfers have historically been performed on a specified day in all individuals to mimic what occurs in natural cycles. However, more recent evidence suggests that each woman may have a personal window of implantation due to alterations in the receptivity of the uterus. If a woman has a window that is displaced, the embryo and uterus may not be in synchrony and this may prevent implantation from occurring.
The goal with the ERA is to determine the ideal day for embryo transfer thereby decreasing the likelihood of implantation failure. The ERA is performed using a biopsy of the uterine lining and is done in the office without anesthesia. Progesterone is a hormone that helps the endometrium become receptive and during an IVF cycle an embryo transfer is normally performed after progesterone has been administered for five days. The ERA is done during a “mock cycle” on the same day that an embryo transfer would normally occur. Once the biopsy has been obtained, the genes involved in receptivity are analyzed and the ERA predicts the endometrium to be “receptive” or “non-receptive” on the day the transfer would have occurred.

We are waiting on the results from the ERA to determine if we will change when I start the progesterone. At the appointment, I asked the doctor what she has seen with the results of this test in their office, and she said there have been quite a few of her patients who results have shown a different receptive "window".

I am interested in hearing the results from this test and hoping we get good feedback to move forward.